Shopping for that Summer Bod

2018. We end the summer with great motivation for next year. I will never let that happen again. I will work harder next year...

As summer 2019 loomed in the distance, I dreaded it. I had no motivation, no gym membership, and a reward card for my local Chinese Hot Kung Foo.

Not ideal, I know.

I wasn't off to a great start, so in April I began to feel a bit more health conscious, and decided to download a calorie counting app. I’m not saying I’m fat, but I did have weight to lose, so I sensibly selected the option of losing the least amount of weight weekly to achieve my goal. This option still only gave me a daily allowance 1490 calories. This is when my relationship with food changed. To be honest, my relationship with everything and everyone changed. I became so irritable, I was going to bed hungry, and was still going over my calorie counts from having 3 meals a day. That is no way to live, to prepare for exams, and to put myself through that in order to feel better in the summer seemed ridiculous. I went home for a few days, and the free food and never ending cheese supply got the better of me. Oh well.

All of this brought me back to high school. Remember the days when you thought you weren’t skinny enough? Where your friend was skinnier than you and you were envious? I look back to those days, and I would love to be that thin again. Then I remember… I was 16. Why would I want to have the body of a 16 year old girl at the age of 22.

This year I made the emotional step up from a size 8 to a size 10. This realisation was a long time coming, and I feel a lot better dressing for my size and not bursting out of my clothes making myself feel and look bigger than I am (it’s really not a good look). I then thought it was time to get better fitting jeans. I was sick of squeezing into size 8 jeans and giving myself a muffin top. My first stop was Primark, to get a few pairs of black jeans for work. I was met with pure astonishment when a size 10 could barely get past my knees. I somberly returned to the changing room with a size 12, and was devastated when, although the button closed, I had a muffin top, not a good look. I left the changing room, retrieved a size 14, and headed to the till without trying them on.

I felt so shit about myself, how had I let this happen? I instantly ran to my girls chat to hear what I needed to hear. It’s a fucking number. WHO CARES. I had jeans that fit me, and I looked good in them, so who cares. We all then had a big complain about shopping for our summer wardrobes. Someone said they are a beautiful size 12 and cant even fit into large trousers in Zara. Like, she’s not even large! Come on people! And don’t even get me started on bikinis. 0.01% of people can find the perfect bikini for them that supports them as well as being fashionable and flattering. Having big tits is a financial nightmare, and you’ll have to fork out a minimum of £60 in a specialised shop or else you will get back ache or look like a porn star with far too many nip slips.

Summer is a time of celebration, not a time for self consciousness. So please remember, WHO CARES. Please, spend the summer enjoying yourself, not allowing Zara to tell you that you’re too large, or an app telling you that you can’t enjoy ice cream. Do what makes you feel good, healthy and happy. Look after yourself and your body. Feel good about yourself, wear what you feel good in, and just remember, it’s not just about what you look like on the outside, but what you feel like on the inside.